Monthly Archives: July 2013

Beyond Thundergnome…

 

whats love got to do with it tina turner misheard lyrics can of white emulsion

 

Song/Artist: What’s Love Got To Do With It – Tina Turner

Original Lyric: What’s love but a second hand emotion?

As promised, no newsreaders, no ornithologist and no UK-only presenters. Instead, here’s Tina and her unconventional take on matters of the human heart.

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Massage In A Brothel

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Song/Artist: So Lonely – The Police

Original Lyric: So lonely, so lonely, so lonely…

First off, apologies to international visitors who are once again scratching their heads and wondering ‘who the hell is Sue Lawley/Bill Oddie/Jill Dando?’. Well, it appears that we in the UK have a specific vulnerability to mishearing lyrics in such a way that they tend to feature national celebrities of very minor import, a tendency for which I apologies. However, to those of you from the US, consider this revenge for cluttering up the internet with that ‘Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza’ lyric. Seriously, none of us have a clue who he is. Anyway, this one goes out to @sarahgfellows for suggesting it and I promise that the next one will not, repeat NOT feature any newsreaders/ornithologists/presenters that are known only to the British.

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…And here was me thinking they were singing about heroin…

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Song/Artist: Golden Brown – The Stranglers

Original Lyric: Golden brown, texture like sun…

It’s far too nice and sunny to be slaving over a hot mouse today so here’s an old classic that I threw together in record time. It’s Gordon Brown and he’s beaming out those positive vibes that came to characterise his time in power. Oh no wait, I’m thinking of Clement Attlee.

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Bargins, imprisoning me. All I see, absolute value…

One Metallica misheard lyrics illustrated

Song/Artist: One – Metallica

Original Lyric: Landmine has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing…

With apologies to Evan Dorkin…

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Dyslexics On Fire

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Song/Artist: Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

Original Lyric: You know that I could use somebody…

So here’s the result of @LeaLooDallas‘s misheard tweet – it’s Caleb from Kings of Leon and he’s playing out some horribly depraved fantasy upon none other than Britain’s most well recognised ornithologist, Bill Oddie. Hey, I just work here, ok?

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Thought I looked like Henry Rollins, but I still look like Phil Collins…

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Song/Artist: In The Air Tonight – Phil Collins

Original Lyric: And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life…

You know that phase you go through where you renounce every band you ever liked as a child because you’re all cool and own a West German Army parka now? Well it never really stuck with Phil Collins and I’m still afflicted with the compulsion to randomly start screaming “SU-SU-SUDIO!” every now and then. Anyway, here’s the man in question and he’s found his heart’s deepest desire…. Aww bless. He also seems to be taking his ‘No Jacket Required’ policy very literally. I mean c’mon Phil, its bloody snowing out there!

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A man in the back of a picture frame sold mystical soulfood…

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Song/Artist: Vienna – Ultravox

Original Lyric: This means nothing to me! Oh, Vienna!

In response to @biscuitahoy’s unwitting request (unwitting in that it wasn’t a request at all…. She was just going about her business, tweeting misheard lyrics with nary a care in the world when I happened upon it and made a very rash promise), here’s a youthful and rather dapper Midge Ure getting to grips with the profundities of confectionary. Keep at it Midge, you’ll get there in the end.

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Fear of the Duck

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Song/Artist: Can I Play With Madness – Iron Maiden

Original Lyric: Can I play with madness?

True story: When I was at primary school we all had to bring in a song to play the rest of the class. My choice was Jive Bunny and the Master Mixers – a gambit to win the respect and admiration of my peers which backfired spectacularly – but it was roundly trounced by this hard lad who bought in Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter. Within seconds of it playing all the girls were beaming at him with doe-eyed longing while the boys cowered in fear of the Playground’s New Overlord. It took me 10 years to forgive Iron Maiden for that. Anyway, here’s the old, long-haired and thoroughly dishevelled Bruce Dickinson (who looks miles more fun than the newer, short-haired and reasonably well-kempt Bruce Dickinson) playing with magnets. 

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Oh Keef, we’ve run out cantaloupes…

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Song/Artist: Paint It Black – The Rolling Stones

Original Lyric: I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes, I have to turn my head until my darkness goes…

Did someone say ‘Broaden your appeal’?

 

Anyone for Slippers?

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Song/Artist: Duality – Slipknot

Original Lyric: I push my fingers into my eyes!

I am never again drawing anything that contains pies. Ever.

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