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| Pretty pictures of stupid things… | Page 2

Baby get a pistol on your little finger…

money for nothing misheard lyrics mark knopfler

Song/Artist: Money For Nothing – Dire Straits


Original Lyric: We gotta install microwave ovens…


Given just how successful Brothers in Arms was you’d be forgiven for thinking that Mark Knopfler would be living it up in a mansion made of unicorn tears or a castle in the clouds. Unfortunately it turns out that our man must have fallen on hard times or developed some pretty heavy-weight psychological problems as these days your more likely to find him sleeping in a giant microwave. It’s always the quiet ones…

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Look at this car. This car is shined for you.

clocks coldplay misheard lyrics chris martin

Song/Artist: Clocks – Coldplay


Original Lyric: Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple off my head…


Yet again I’m caught between the part of me that would probably pay good money to watch Chris Martin pull his head off and the other part of me that secretly quite likes Coldplay and actual bought this album for a flatmate’s birthday you understand. Either way, the pic turned out pretty well so I’m happy to live with the moral ambiguity.

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Waving Your Bladder All Over The Place…

 killer queen misheard lyric mole and a shovel freddie mercury

Song/Artist: Killer Queen – Queen

Original Lyric: She keeps Moet et Chandon in her pretty cabinet…


I’ve been dying to do this one as I think it’s very sensible to keep both a mole and a shovel somewhere about your homestead: One never knows when you may have to dig yourself out and having some company from Nature’s Little Miner further sweetens an otherwise lousy deal. So anyway, this is a second (and probably less close to the bone) appearance for Freddie Mercury and here he is demonstrating how to safely house your mole and shovel. Think of it as more of a Public Safety Announcement than a pretty picture.

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Beyond Thundergnome…


whats love got to do with it tina turner misheard lyrics can of white emulsion


Song/Artist: What’s Love Got To Do With It – Tina Turner

Original Lyric: What’s love but a second hand emotion?

As promised, no newsreaders, no ornithologist and no UK-only presenters. Instead, here’s Tina and her unconventional take on matters of the human heart.

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Massage In A Brothel

so lonely the police misheard lyrics sue lawley

Song/Artist: So Lonely – The Police

Original Lyric: So lonely, so lonely, so lonely…

First off, apologies to international visitors who are once again scratching their heads and wondering ‘who the hell is Sue Lawley/Bill Oddie/Jill Dando?’. Well, it appears that we in the UK have a specific vulnerability to mishearing lyrics in such a way that they tend to feature national celebrities of very minor import, a tendency for which I apologies. However, to those of you from the US, consider this revenge for cluttering up the internet with that ‘Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza’ lyric. Seriously, none of us have a clue who he is. Anyway, this one goes out to @sarahgfellows for suggesting it and I promise that the next one will not, repeat NOT feature any newsreaders/ornithologists/presenters that are known only to the British.

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…And here was me thinking they were singing about heroin…

gordon brown texture like sun misheard lyric

Song/Artist: Golden Brown – The Stranglers

Original Lyric: Golden brown, texture like sun…

It’s far too nice and sunny to be slaving over a hot mouse today so here’s an old classic that I threw together in record time. It’s Gordon Brown and he’s beaming out those positive vibes that came to characterise his time in power. Oh no wait, I’m thinking of Clement Attlee.

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Bargins, imprisoning me. All I see, absolute value…

One Metallica misheard lyrics illustrated

Song/Artist: One – Metallica

Original Lyric: Landmine has taken my sight, taken my speech, taken my hearing…

With apologies to Evan Dorkin…

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Dyslexics On Fire

use somebody misheard lurics rgb done mid

Song/Artist: Use Somebody – Kings of Leon

Original Lyric: You know that I could use somebody…

So here’s the result of @LeaLooDallas‘s misheard tweet – it’s Caleb from Kings of Leon and he’s playing out some horribly depraved fantasy upon none other than Britain’s most well recognised ornithologist, Bill Oddie. Hey, I just work here, ok?

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Thought I looked like Henry Rollins, but I still look like Phil Collins…

ive been waiting for this snowman all my life phil colins misheard lyrics mid

Song/Artist: In The Air Tonight – Phil Collins

Original Lyric: And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life…

You know that phase you go through where you renounce every band you ever liked as a child because you’re all cool and own a West German Army parka now? Well it never really stuck with Phil Collins and I’m still afflicted with the compulsion to randomly start screaming “SU-SU-SUDIO!” every now and then. Anyway, here’s the man in question and he’s found his heart’s deepest desire…. Aww bless. He also seems to be taking his ‘No Jacket Required’ policy very literally. I mean c’mon Phil, its bloody snowing out there!

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A man in the back of a picture frame sold mystical soulfood…

this means muffins to me done

Song/Artist: Vienna – Ultravox

Original Lyric: This means nothing to me! Oh, Vienna!

In response to @biscuitahoy’s unwitting request (unwitting in that it wasn’t a request at all…. She was just going about her business, tweeting misheard lyrics with nary a care in the world when I happened upon it and made a very rash promise), here’s a youthful and rather dapper Midge Ure getting to grips with the profundities of confectionary. Keep at it Midge, you’ll get there in the end.

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